I don’t know what it’s like for most other single moms, but I do know that for me it means a normal day. I thought that since my mom has moved back here that it would change it a little. Maybe a card she’d let Bug sign or color. My hopes were wrong. I know I can’t count on Bug’s dad to do anything after all it’s like pulling teeth to get him to supply basic needs for Bug. So, I wasn’t surprised when I woke up Sunday after a week of telling Bug that I wanted her to make me breakfast on Mother’s day, that I didn’t get anything but her normal drama queen routine when she wakes up. My Mom came by BUT since I don’t have any income I couldn’t do anything more then wish her a Happy Mothers day and tell her how much I love her. She was to upset over a fight with my Dad to even really care. Understandable. It just kinda hurt since I work my butt off day in and day out taking care of her Dad, as well as Bug that she could have at least said something to me or even coax Bug into saying something. So, I spent the day just like all the other days of the year. Wake up to a whiny demanding brat, help Pops get up and dressed, Feed them both, then get ready to start my days chores. So I’m officially declaring Mother’s day a TOTAL JOKE and no one needs to try and celebrate it. It’s not fair for one Mom to get special treatment while others don’t get anything.
Last weekend Pops was taken to the ER because he was having bladder issues. It was full and not going anywhere. Poor thing was in such pain that a trip to the ER was our only option. After lots of poking and pushing and twisting of his unmentionables. They inserted a catheter into his bladder through his belly, and have it stitched in place. Bug was at her Dads that weekend so luckily she didn’t have to sit in the hospital with us for 4 almost 5 hours. She was also very excited to see the new contraption that was attached to Pops’ leg when she got home the next afternoon.
She’s always said she wants to be a Doctor when she grows up. Spending hours looking page by page of my Anatomy and Physiology books from my nursing college days. Just for the record I flunked out thanks to depression and my loss of interest in being a pee on. No offense to those you who are nurses or in training to be one. I just had no desire to be the one changing the dirty beds and all the other bodily fluids. My new desire is to keep those things on the inside while I look at them with radiation, ultrasound, and magnets. Back to the topic at hand!
Bug asked question after question about all the different parts that she could see. Then as we were all getting ready for bed that night she stood at my side and watched me prep the bag and tubing for bed. She was silent and intense as she watched. Normally this is the time when she decides to run around the house chasing the dog and getting him all wound up. She also tries to sneak snacks and drinks as much as she can. I half expected to field a million questions once we were in our room getting our selves all bedded down for the night, but I only got hugs and kisses and off to sleep she went. The next morning still nothing out of the ordinary. It was like she knew all she needed to know about this new routine. Then it happened.
Sitting outside on the patio while dinner was cooking she started asking her questions. Why does he have it? How did they do it? Will he always have it? How does it work? and the only I’ve been waiting for………..When can I empty it. Yup Dr. Bug is in the house! She now knows all she needs to know to handle this new toy. I’m dreading the day that I find her gloved up, alcohol pads open and urinal in place draining Pops’ catheter bag. Soooo to be on the safe side for when it does happen tonight’s prep included an education and warning on how to do and to not do it unless I’m there with her.
I spent my childhood learning about pregnancy and baby development. I was 12 when my sister got pregnant with my oldest Niece and I would call her every week to tell her about her babies development at that stage. In her delivery room I reminded her of all the phases of delivery and exactly what her baby would be going through after her birth. Needless to say I was kicked out the room pretty early on. Bug on the other hand is going to be like the little boy in Kindergarten Cop telling Arnie Schwarzenegger that “boys have a penis and girls have a vagina”. Telling her class all about Catheters, bladders and urine. I’m going to be the envy of all the parents!!!
Have I told you guys that I LOVE my little Doctor. I pray that if that is her true dream that I’m able to help her make it come true. She would make a great one with her tender heart and hands.
My Sunday Afternoon and evening has been spent just browsing from Caregiver site to Caregiver site just looking for information and trying to connect with other caregivers. I came across a many different things but one has stood out the most to me today.
Apparently I’m part of a group….something about sandwich gap or something like that. It means that I care for an elderly family member (mostly the actual people that are a part of this sandwich are children caring for parents) and I take care of a child. I must not be the only one who worries about what this is doing to my Bug. Most of the sites that talked about this stated that you needed to involve the child in the care. That it not only helps you out but it lets them know how much we love our family and that we will do anything for them. But it also said to make sure you tell them how wonderful they are in their helping, and to also praise them for all they do. Soooo maybe my thoughts about how damaging this way of life is on Bug really isn’t such a worry after all. She is after all seeing that my love of family will cause me do do ANYTHING to help them. I just hope the stress level tapers off a bit for a while.
Posted in Anxiety, Bug, Depression, Family, Grandpa, Home, Mental Health, parenting, single mom, Single Parenting | Tags: Anxiety, Bug, choices, Depression, elderly family member, Family, Future, Grandpa, Growing up, Health, mental-health, Momdom, Motherhood, Pops, single mom, Single Parent, Strength, stress
Last night I laid in bed thinking about how my blog posts on here and on the blog I keep for my life with Pops are always so negative! I don’t want people to read my posts and think that I feel my life is 100% horrible. It’s not! It’s far from it. I have good days where everything is right in the world, days where life is just that, life. Boring everyday things. Then there’s the days that usually end up vented about on one or both of my blogs. So today I’ve declared to be a good day. And I’m going to share some of the moments in our life that has given me a million smiles to carry in my heart for the rest of my life in the form of a list!
- Bugs first day at home.
- The weekend I was called “Cinny” instead of Mommy.
- Millions of times watching the same movie over and over and over…….
- The endless talking in her sleep
- Walking around the house wearing my under garments
- Getting her 2 front teeth on Christmas Morning 12/07
- Pudding Vampire
- Eating a stick of butter
- Annoying Justin Bieber
- Being told I have “Donkey Breath”
- Only able to swim with head under water
- the Questions…..”REALLY mom REALLY”
- Pickles for Breakfast
- laughing so hard while still asleep
- Crying through all of Alice in Wonderland
- Her Love of Rush Limbaugh
- Her dislike of President Obama
- Her desire to meet and live with Sarah Palin
- The Millions of Babies she made Pops give birth too
- Telling me it Smells like HELL in the house after a clogged drain
- “Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm I got two daddies”
- foofing her food
- Yogurt covered meat
- Her never ending always surprising imagination
- Curiosity about the medical aspect of the human body
- Her stead fast never changing desire to be a Dr for kids
- Drinks like a fish out of water and in water swims just like one
- her natural ability to get dogs to follow her commands
- playing in the bath together
- “everyone likes me cuz I’m a blonde.”
- Love of doing chores even the toilets and cat’s litter box
- almost killing the fish because “I was hungry”
- The joy of meeting princesses at Disneyland
These are the moments and things said or done that has made my heart pitter pat. Good things happen and my life is full of smiles. I just forget to talk about them.
It’s here in a blink of an eye!! 5 years ago, I was holding and caring for my little 4 month old bundle. I loved her, but didn’t enjoy her. Two months later I would throw her on my bed and realize at that second I was sick. Now, for the soul purpose of defending myself. She was dropped on the bed with less then a foot between the bed and her butt. She didn’t get hurt, and actually started laughing once she landed. I think it was what started her love of jumping on and off high places, AND it was an event that needed to take place in order for me to seek the help I needed badly. Otherwise, something far worse would have happened. ANYWAY!!!!!!
Bug starts school this fall. I’ve been searching for the perfect school for 2 years now. I’ve researched our local school district. IT’s HORRIBLE!! 2nd lowest in the state. I researched homeschooling, I just can’t harbor her from the joys of school, and friends. Not to mention I ask her to tell me the ABC’s and she intentionally say them wrong, but someone else asks and she will recite them and tell them the phonic’s sound. At least I know she listens when I do them for her LOL. Chances are homeschooling would end up a total bust because I would give up on trying to get the right answer out of her. So, I started looking into private schools. I can get funding through grants and scholarships as well as hardship cases since I have no income. I really wanted to send her to this one Christian school that is just down the road from us. They seem like such a great school, the people looked nice, the kids looked happy, and she would be get a Christ centered education. What more could a person ask for?!?!?! Well, I had been pressing Grams to take us to the school to take a tour and to apply so I could start the application process for all the grants and scholarships. Then on Friday I was finally able to get her to set a time for us to go. I went to bed Thursday night saying a prayer asking for smooth sailing through the process IF that was where he wanted Bug to be. I wake up Friday 2 hours late, I throw on an nice outfit, Try and wake up Bug and get her not wanting to get out of bed. So, not even 20 mins into the day and I’ve hit 2 issues. I’m late, and now my always eager to get up Bug is not wanting to get up……..THEN get Pops up only to have him wanting to do this and that and dilly dally while I’m in a hurry to get him settled and fed. Issue 3. I start making everyone’s breakfast, when I drop everyone’s food on the floor. Issue 4. Then in the middle of making everyone’s breakfast a 2nd time the phone rings…..”hello?!” It’s my sister…….”I’m so sorry I forgot to tell you! Pops’ case worker is going to be there in an hour for an interview and paper work!”………….issue 5-10. “I’m not going to be here!!!!!” Sister…”no worries I will call and cancel it.” I know how this works there is no cancelling these things. My house is filthy, Bugs father is coming to get her and she has no clean clothes, her bags not packed, my dishes are dirty, Pops bathroom and bedroom SMELL horribly because of his dilly dally!! Toys are thrown through out the living room and dining room. AND my mom is about to knock on the door to take us to the School. I’d say that’s a pretty good sign that God doesn’t want her in that school. Soo, I run franticly through the house, cleaning this and that, starting a load of Bug only clothes, Spraying febrezze with almost ever step. Dictating chores to Bug to have her clean up her fair share of the mess while still preparing the 2nd breakfast for everyone. Bug and Pops sit and enjoy their food while I throw dishes in the dish washer, scrub counters and sinks, make beds, Spray some more Febrezze, Answer the phone again to be told what I already know…”there’s no way to cancel this meeting. I can come over so you can go do what you need to do.” Grams shows up minutes after I hang up. I tell her our plans our cancelled. Explain why, then sit on the patio and contimplate “WHERE IS BUG GOING TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!!!!”
So…..I’ve passed all the deadlines for enrolling her into almost all my other options. Doesn’t mean I still can’t do them. It just means I have to re-think those options. This time without the Christian school. I’m so frustrated, and worried about this. My limits of where she can go are very restrictive because of transportation. I have none. City bus is my only way. And I don’t know about where you live but here. Buses go by high schools not Elementary schools. Those are buried deep in the neighborhoods. Close to the homes, of the students that go there, and if by chance that child lives more then 2 miles from the school they send a cute yellow school bus to get them and drop them off. If only I lived across the street where the school district is different. the 3rd best in the metro area. Where I went to school. Just across the street where the nursing home is……..yup those old people sure do need that Good Elementary school education compared to this Condo complex with about 15 young kids, and even more older ones. It’s not even a big street!! it’s a side street! Just move the cut off one street to the west and I’d been a VERY happy mom! We could WALK to that school it’s so close! But NOOOOO our assigned school is more then 4 miles from us. She would have to take the bus to “her” school.
Needless to say, I’m not at all worried about her education. 😉 And to think 5 years ago, I didn’t like her.
Posted in Bug, Government, Home, Mental Health, parenting, single mom, Single Parenting | Tags: Bug, choices, christ centered education, Dread, Education, Family, Future, Growing up, hardship cases, Kindergarten, local school district, low income, Momdom, Pops, School, single mom, Single Parent, Start, Strength, stress